so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
