My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
this beer tastes like vomit already
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
