Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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