Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
