I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
