I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
