I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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