It's like a parade of train wrecks.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
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And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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