If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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