Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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