using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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