so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
