i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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