sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
