Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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