Just fell off a train. Bad.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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