Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
