I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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