it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
