well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
