i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
