Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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