Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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