Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
