and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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