Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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