What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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