I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
