I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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