Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
