I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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