a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
