Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
