how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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