My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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