im having a threesome with these popsicles
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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