guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I checked into jail on foursquare
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
