Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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