She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
