Betty ford says i'm here all night
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i now understand why vodka
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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