Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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