I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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