This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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