New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
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last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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