Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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