i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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