Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
