Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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