Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
