I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
