And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
