I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize