either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
