just come out here and I will go home with you...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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