Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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