Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
