hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
