She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
