You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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