my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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