I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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