Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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