it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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