talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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