Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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