forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize