Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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