First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
