so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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