now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
