Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
