i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Four minutes until I can fart!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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