i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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