I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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