Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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