do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
