I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I puked a lego.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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