3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
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everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
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Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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