I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
