I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
