wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
