Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
