I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
